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For Couples
For Individuals
More to Come
Here are a bunch of different links and readings that I often recommend. I'll be adding to this page regularly, so check back often. Also, if you have any readings you'd like to recommend, let me know by emailing me and I'll add it to the list! For Couples | The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman and Nan Silver. This is a classic book for couples struggling with all sorts of challenges. It's one of the most research-based self-help books for couples out there (as opposed to someone writing about what works for them and/or their Aunt Martha, but may not work for you). The first author has a bit of an ego that comes through in his writing, but if you can overlook that the book has some really good advice.
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| Extraordinary Relationships by Dr. Roberta Gilbert. Do you ever find yourself getting "swallowed" by your relationships? Many people have a hard time respectfully sticking up for themselves in their relationships without feeling like they're being a jerk. This book is an excellent book for helping you stay connected to your partner/family and maintain your individuality at the same time -- a difficult balance for most people, and a problem that is at the root of a lot of mental health problems. WARNING: This book has a lot of jargon and is quite "meaty," so if you're looking for a light read, this isn't it. Because it's so heavy, though, it has a lot of good material. |
Choosing Whether to Divorce Couples often seek therapy for help deciding whether to stay together or not. This is, of course, an intensely personal decision, and no therapist can (or should) make that decision for you. Since it may be the biggest decision you ever make, I like my clients to be exposed to all aspects of the decision. In my experience, most people contemplating that decision can think of more compelling reasons to divorce than stay together, so to balance that out I like to recommend the following to get a perspective on marriage from two prominent marital and family therapists that is often overlooked these days: Beyond the Myth of Marital Happiness by Dr. Blaine Fowers.
As the title suggests, this is a very different book from most marital self-help books out there, and that's why I like it so much. Fowers makes a convincing argument that one of the main things leading to so many unhappy marriages is the "entitled" stance that we have been acculturated to approach marriage with. We expect marriage/our spouse to meet all of our emotional needs all of the time, and when we perceive that invisible contract to be broken, we move on, endlessly searching for someone to make us happy. Fowers helps the reader see and appreciate the little things that make up a strong marriage that are often overlooked, but missed greatly when someone leaves a marriage because it wasn't meeting their needs. It's a good read. |
Consumer Marriage and the Modern Covenant Marriage by Dr. William Doherty.
This is a great free article in a similar vein as the Fowers book mentioned above. Don't let the "covenant marriage" title fool you -- it's not specifically a religious article.
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Infidelity Extramarital affairs are surprisingly common. With the possible exceptions of physical abuse or chemical dependence, there is probably no more challenging problem a marriage will face than an affair. I strongly recommend that if there is an affair in your marriage, you come in for counseling. I have known very few people who have successfully negotiated the post-affair emotional mine field on their own. In addition to counseling, the following books are quite helpful in recovering from an affair:
| After the Affair by Dr. Janis Spring. This is the most comprehensive book that I'm aware of on the topic.
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Surviving an Affair by Dr. Willard Harley and Dr. Jennifer Chalmers.
This is also a good book. It is a little lighter of a read than the Spring book, but that typically means you also don't get quite so much good content. So it's a trade off. |
Choosing a Competent Couple/Family Therapist How Therapy can be Hazardous to your Marital Health by Dr. William Doherty.
Couple and Family Therapy requires a whole different set of specialized skills than individual therapy, and a lot of therapists that practice couple/family therapy simply have not had the training required to master those skills. Without these skills, it is very easy for a therapist to unwittingly split a couple apart. This article helps outline some of the things to look for when shopping for a therapist. (I told him that he could shorten the article considerably by telling everyone to just come see me, but he didn't take it!)
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For Individuals Anxiety | The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Dr. Edmund Bourne. This is a terrific workbook to help with anxiety, phobias, OCD, and so forth. This is one of my favorite specialty areas, and I've seen a lot of people overcome their anxiety with this workbook.
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Depression Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns.
This is the classic book on overcoming depression.
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More to Come As I said earlier, I'll be adding to this page regularly as my time permits. Please check back often. I plan on adding a list of links to self-tests and expanding the number of headings I address. If there's a heading you'd like to see included or a book/article you'd like to recommend, please let me know!
Also, I linked the books on this page to Amazon.com for the sake of familiarity. You may want to shop around for the best deal. Any referral fees from Amazon that I generate from this site go towards a scholarship fund designed to help clients that cannot afford counseling. |
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